i promised you plans and boy have i got some. included in them are a way to get the passenger to her final destination (yes i still think it’s a girl, no nothing has confirmed this).
in fact, i have a video to show you my ideal birth…..
since everyone always says you need to be flexible with your birth plans i’m willing to say i don’t need to give birth specifically in a car. i would be fine with accidentally giving birth on the street like this mom who dropped her pants and gave birth on the sidewalk.
it sounds so great to accidentally give birth. i think because it makes it seem so natural, like something you were made to do. like you’re going about your day and you realize there is a baby in your pants. oh, hello baby! glad you have arrived.
since i can’t control the accidental part, i am focusing on the natural part and find myself pretty passionate about it for my own experience. (disclaimer – no offense and i mean this is the sweetest way possible, but i couldn’t care less about what you did or what you do. to each his own. unless of course you had a great natural birth experience and then i want to hear all about it.)
ok so how i have arrived on these passionate plans to birth the passenger:
i haven’t always been ready to be pregnant and i haven’t always been ready to have a baby. what i have always been ready for is giving birth.
i have a weird fascination and great excitement about giving birth and always have. perhaps it stems from a strange, random memory in which my aunt deb (or ampy dampy debbie as i called her at the time) told me i was going to be a good pusher when i grew up. my mom had just finished painting my nails at her house and they were using reverse psychology to get me to sit still while they dried when my aunt made the comment our of the blue. i’m not sure how old i was but i must have been pretty little because i didn’t yet know you “pushed” babies out and worse i was really confused about where you pushed them out of. (don’t worry, i think i know now.) so perhaps that off hand comment 20+ years ago instilled in me a confidence that i carry with me today. thanks aunt deb!
beyond that – i think i’ve also had a fascination with birth because in my experience it seems primarily associated with horror and fear. i just really don’t understand how the human race has continued to survive when birth has such a sitgma. why do women feel like birth needs to be a war story where you talk about how awful it was? is there some kind of competition about who had it the hardest? and quite frankly, how can it be that bad if women have been doing it for thousands of years – i’m pretty sure our population would be extinct if it was as horrible as some make it sound. perhaps we’re taught to fear how horrible it will be and then affirm our thoughts – you know a little self-fulfilling prophecy action going on there? since i actually haven’t given birth, i probably can’t say.
luckily there is a corner of the birth world that makes it seem magical and exciting and wonderful. i like to call this group the hippie dippies. so i’ve chosen to side with them when it comes to my thoughts on birth. quite frankly, they make giving birth seem empowering, exciting and at times orgasmic.* i want to talk to them and hear their stories and believe birth is what they say. and so i do.
and tho i’m not a natural hippie dippie person by nature, i think some of my personality is more than i realized. i love a challenge, i love seeing what i am capable of mentally and physically. i love setting goals and working to attain those. i love people saying you can’t, and seeing if i can. i am also a big believer in the power of the mind and how so much of what we are capable of comes down to our mental ability, not our physical ability.
in this regard, i view giving birth like climbing mt. kilimanjaro (which i did one summer in college with my dad). it was a long grueling process but i went into it determined one way or another to make it to the top. i was absolutely confident that i was not leaving tanzania without stepping foot on uhuru peak, despite the fact that many people don’t. an interesting aspect to our climb was that after your fourth full day of hiking they have you do your final summit that night on no sleep in the pitch dark. it seems a little counterintuitive to bundle up at midnight and take off for 8-9hrs of hiking in the pitch black up steep switchbacks to reach 19,341 feet. they would say you summit at night for reasons like the footing being better in the bitter cold at night or that it’s so you can be at the top for the sunrise. but really it’s for the mental reasons. when you are hiking in the dark, you can’t see how much further you have to go and you don’t get defeated by how daunting the task is. you just keep putting one foot in front of the other…
reaching the top was by far the hardest thing i have ever done physically and mentally and in the same breath it is one of the most rewarding and empowering things i have ever done. sure, i could have taken a helicopter to the top (in theory) or looked at pictures of what the top looks like just like a runner could drive to the finish line of a marathon. but i believe there is something innate within us to see what we are made of, to never stop pushing our limits. to do things that require great effort because we know they will bring great reward.
at least those things are innate to me. so back to giving birth and seeing it like climbin mt. kilimanjaro – do you see the connection or am i crazy? i didn’t climb the mountain to prove to others how tough i was or to make a statement (common feedback from people when you tell you want to give birth naturally). i climbed it for myself, for my own desires to push my limits and strengthen my trust in what i’m capable of.
so with images of climbing kilimanjaro in my head and knowing the accidental thing probably won’t work out here’s what i do want:
have a natural, intervention-free, or as my doctor likes to continually correct me, “an unmedicated child birth.” (she says natural implies giving birth in a rice patty field which i actually think sounds great and goes with plan A, i just unfortunately don’t know what a rice patty field is or where to find one).
i want to labor at home as LONG as possible. i would literally only like to show up to the hospital to actually push the baby out and if it accidentally comes before then (say at home or in the car) i’m fine with that. what!? i am. don’t worry – mr. hutch won’t let that happen. even if it means him tossing my contracting booty into a car and taking me against my will.
what else? oh – we have a doula which i’m super excited about. she will support us through our birth and help with natural pain relieving techniques, and helping us know when it’s time to go the hospital since i could see mr. hutch and i getting into an agrument about it. (mr. hutch, “i can see the baby’s head! me: “i don’t think it’s time yet, five more minutes…”)
and then the only other thing i really want is for mr.hutch or i to catch the baby. i think i would like our baby to have his or her mama/papa be the first to welcome them into the world and not the doctor we met a couple of hours before (since chances are almost 100% the first time we meet the actual doc on call will be that day). plus one of those kardashian girls caught her own baby…
so that’s the gist of my birth plan. i have nothing against doctors/medical interventions/modern medicine. lord knows i’ll be so thankful to be in a hospital with great care if something does go wrong. but rather than assuming i will need those things, i want to trust that birth is a natural thing, something my body was made to do on its own with out intervention. and so i am approach it excited to see my body and my baby do its thing and trusting that it will be a wonderful, empowering experience.
see, i told you – just call me a hippie dippie.
my dad and i at the top of kili in 2003. and no i was not 250lbs back then. you just need a lot of layers at that altitude.
*sorry – had to throw that in there for a few select friends. you know who you are.